Dawood is in the house

David Dhawan should seriously consider changing his name to Dawood, as in the "international terrorist". Simply because he has unleashed unimaginalble misery and torture on our audiences, by way of his latest flick Partner.

Never having been a big fan of contemporary Hindi cinema, I usually avoid all releases like the plague. I have to be conned, or otherwise coerced, threatened and blackmailed into watching any of the releases of the day. So it was a huge shock to one of my closest friends when I suggested we go and catch the late-night show of 'Partner'. I'd read the reviews and heard that David Dhawan had taken "artistic liberties" with the Will Smith-starrer, 'Hitch', so I was expecting the original storyline to be suitably modified to fit Sallu-baba and ChiChi.

What I was subjected to, however, was unimaginable agony. Anyone in their right mind will be hard put to accuse David Dhawan and Sohail Khan (the producer) of plagiarism. But I guess, that's if you didn't actually watch the whole movie - because by the end of it, I was sure I'd lost mine. Which is why, I guess, the critics didn't pan it as badly as they could have. Actually, I'm sure Will Smith will himeslf vehemently deny any similarity between Hitch and Partner. The first five minutes into the movie and I was ready to throw in the towel and walk out, but since my friend had magnanimously offered to pay for the tickets, I decided to stay put. Besides, my friend kept insisting that the plot would "pick up in the next five minutes".

No such luck. A few minutes later and it was clear that the only thing that could pick up that disaster was a pooper-scooper. From the terrible lines, or the hysterical acting, or the insipid cast, the plot hopelessly barrelled out of control. What the hell was David Dhawan thinking of? Or did he have running arguments with Sohail Khan (who can be probably credited as the only person to make a cameo appearance via a scowling photo) about the way the movie was supposed to turn out?

Or was it supposed to be a comeback vehicle for a hopelessly jaded Govinda? Come to think of it, being elected an MP seems to have taken a toll on ChiChi - maybe he's had to pretend that he was in Parliament when he actually isn't. Or being in his constituency when he actually isn't. Because the man is not just hopelessly out of shape, he's way beyond his "best before" date. The hint of a fight between David Dhawan and Sohail Khan is more apparent because wherever it looked like Govinda was going to be cut loose to do his thing, Salman Khan popped into the script to spoil things.

Sallu-baba. Probably in a role that was worse than Hello Brother. Perhaps the only incentive to accept this production was bro Sohail. Or was it girlfriend Katrina Kaif? Gosh, it's unimaginable what bad acting can be like. Quite possibly why nobody believed Sallu-baba's defence in the blackbuck case. Or maybe the Judge is a better actor than Sallu-baba, and the latter will be let off the hook. Let's just wait for the judgement on this case, shall we?

The audience, however, delivered their verdict even as the movie went on: they seemed to love every minute of it. Kind of makes me wonder about the taste that we're developing.

Marauding McLaren

Sigh.

Yet another disappointing weekend.

Perhaps it's time for a certain Herr. M. Schumacher to get back in the cockpit.

Tick-ed off

My MP is just being put through the first module of the training programme that will result in her either being part of the system, or out of it. Going by what her father got, I'm placing my bets on the latter.

The road to riches starts with distribution of tickets: at the local cinema if you're going to be a self-made politician, or for the local polls if you've inherited the post.

Li-sense to kill

The prolific Amit Varma remarks in his latest post:

Why, it may be asked, should a licence to kill a particular elephant ever lapse?

And while he may be somewhat justified in attributing this to just another Government vagary, I was rather surprised to see that he so quickly dismissed corruption and inefficiency.

Were this license not allowed to lapse after a period of time, then the Indian elephant population would probably have been extinct by now.

No doubt, some would argue that the period of the validity of the license be changed or reviewed, and others could examine a number of other ways to amend the grant of this license - including perhaps, a local authority that could renew the license for an additional period of time.

But, I argue, it is precisely this combination of corruption and inefficiency that has led to this method of regulation of licenses. I'm quite confident that if the license were allowed to remain valid until the hunter had actually gotten rid of the elephant (a conservationist friend of mine would quake at the thought of any elephant being eliminated, no matter for what reason!!), then we would discover that there was significant "collateral" damage. More dead elephants, certainly. Erroneously killed. Or quite simply, "mysterious deaths".

Of course, I'm also suggesting that by having to send paperwork all the way to the relevant ministry in New Delhi, all that's happening is that the chain of corruption is just growing longer, and reaching into the highest echelons of power, where the most incompetent and morally depraved section of Indian society thrives. Corruption just spreads to a level where it's easier to obfuscate and obscure reality. The poor elephants will probably never know what hit them.

Gas bagged

According to this article in the Economic Times.

But hullo, haven't they forgotten about the largest gas reserves in the Universe?